My life has changed drastically in the last 139 days, now that I’m sober.
When I first came out and said ‘Hey guys, I really don’t want to drink ever again’ I honestly wasn’t 100% sure at that point that I could remain sober forever. I was only 47 days in and part of me felt like a fraud writing that post. I was living in this fear that I couldn’t do it and was afraid of all the people who would judge me if I ever did decide to drink again.
But now, I am totally comfortable speaking openly about my resolve to never drink alcohol again. I have had too many beautiful things happen to me and come into my life to ever feel like I’m missing out because I don’t drink anymore.
Here are all the ways my life has changed now that I’m sober:
I don’t know HOW I used to afford $50+ bar tabs multiple times per week but I do know that since ditching that habit, my credit score (and bank account balance) have been on a steady rise.
This is the first year in my adult life that I have actually put 20% of my earnings in savings for taxes and another 10% away for actual savings. I’m 3 months ahead on my car payment and I’m actually able to pay off my credit cards every single month.
While all of this may not be penny-for-penny attributed to not spending money on booze, I can attribute a lot of it to my increased ability to focus on work, take on more projects, be a better employee and in-turn, be compensated accordingly.
The friendships in my life have definitely changed for the better now that I’m sober, albeit not always in the happiest of ways.
I’ve had to say goodbye to quite a few friends who didn’t want to be a part of my life anymore since I publicly proclaimed I don’t drink. I’m totally OK with it – because as I’ve mentioned many times previously, rejection is protection. Those friendships served their purpose in my life and that purpose has now come to a close. I have compassion for them for the pain they feel and how it causes them to hurt others, including me.
I wish them well and am full of gratitude for the space it has created in my life to welcome in NEW friendships.
I’m now surrounded by a close tribe of people I can have gratifying and fulfilling conversations with. We show up for each other and are present in every interaction. I’ve even inspired a few of my friends to say goodbye to drinking as well.
Long gone are the days of waking up with a hangover and I am so glad I never have to experience that feeling ever again.
Now that I’m sober, more often than not, my body simply feels good.
I don’t have to live on coffee and pre-workout for energy. I don’t ever have to skip a workout again because of alcohol.
These last few months, I’ve been able to put more effort in at the gym than ever before in my life and have been completely blown away at what I am able to accomplish.
My body feels strong and powerful.
My skin is consistently clear, my eyes are bright and I can’t even tell you the last time I was sick, it was so long ago.
Eating consciously and healthfully has become effortless and I enjoy food more now that I’m not drowning it in booze.
I used to pop bottles of champagne – now I pop cans of La Croix.
I used to look forward to a glass of wine – now I look forward to an extra hour at the gym.
My, my, how things can change.
Love for Life
I used to roll my eyes at people who talked about how much they loved their life.
Alcohol was such an inhibitor of my awareness that I lacked the clarity to see that there could be another way of living. I thought anyone who actually loved life must be simple-minded, free of ‘real’ problems or insane.
Now that I’m sober, I truly DO love my life. I still get stressed and unpleasant things still happen sometimes but I now have the ability to see the big picture. I am blessed every single day with so many amazing people, experiences and opportunities right in front of me.
Living life has become this beautiful dance of having authentic conversations, sober dance parties, playing music, eating delicious food and feeling immense gratitude for being alive.
My life up until recently had been one long pitiful story of all the bad things that have ever happened to me and my drinking was an excuse to deal with it.
I was so stuck in my cycle of sadness, alcohol abuse, more sadness, etc. that I couldn’t see a way out. I accepted a bipolar diagnosis and hereditary issues of depression as my life’s sentence.
I wasn’t empowered. I didn’t know that I could empower myself.
I never wanted to accept that being happy is a choice. Who actually wants to claim responsibility for their thoughts and actions, right?
Now, I don’t let little things effect me or bring me down like they used to. When something challenges me or someone upsets me, I now look inward for the answer.
I ask myself ‘Why does this bother me so much? Is there something about myself I don’t want to face? Am I creating a story about this person/situation in order to satisfy my own ego?’ This constant state of questioning my thoughts has transformed my mindset.
My decision to be sober meant saying goodbye to a relationship I thought would eventually turn into marriage.
I was living in an alcohol-induced fog (combined with severe denial) that had me convinced I was truly happy. I gave that person the power to make me question my self-worth.
Looking back, I still find it hard to believe that I was willing to settle for a partner I couldn’t trust and who lacked vulnerability and simple kindness. Ending that relationship and spending the last few months doing serious work on myself allowed me to get clear on what I do and do not want from a romantic partner.
It has allowed me the opportunity to welcome in a new relationship that satisfies my body, soul and spirit in ways I never thought was possible. We have been able to cultivate a union based on honest and open communication and I have never been happier.
I truly believe that I needed to be sober first, in order to be the woman he deserves to have as his partner.
Spirituality: (noun) the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.
I, like a lot of people, used to confuse religion with spirituality.
I had so many bad experiences with organized religion in my youth, that as an adult, I shunned anything that even remotely sounded like it was religious.
But, the two are not the same.
Some people say prayers – I say affirmations.
Some people go to church – I meditate.
Ever since I realized that I can be spiritual in my very own way, my entire world has opened up. I can talk about God in conversation and not feel overwhelmed with uncomfortable feelings. I can now truly love and accept others for what they believe in and not let it effect me in any kind of negative way.
I am so grateful to have found this spiritual path that I am on and I am excited to continue to grow and nurture it with a sober mind and heart.
If any part of my story resonated with you and you want to get in touch with me to talk some more, click here. I’d love to hear from you.
I had a few people reach out to ask what app I use to track my sobriety – it is called nomo. You can find it in the app store and I highly recommend it!
Thank you to my friends and family who have stayed by my side and supported me in my new journey with sobriety. I would NOT be this far down the path if especially not for a few of you, and you all know who you are. Onward!